Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
