Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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