There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do vagina's smell?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
