True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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