We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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