I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
