THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
