We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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