drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
