I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
