Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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