Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
