Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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