So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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