FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this boner is exhausting
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
