NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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