i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
