you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Less talking, more tequila
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
