I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
