Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sorry my hands just texted you
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
