They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
