Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
