im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
