I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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