You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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