at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
