All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
