My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
