Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
