At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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