I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
