I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
a search helicopter?!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
