We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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