the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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