Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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