I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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