I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
