found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
