Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
