I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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