Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
