I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
After last night, I could never be a politician.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
