he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
