There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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