But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she woke up with a sticky ear
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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