Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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