i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
