Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't turn off my feet"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
