***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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