So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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