are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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