i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
