Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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