I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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