Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
