Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
