OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
