If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
