I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
