How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
