I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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