If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
