just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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