Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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