In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
