if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
His hands were made for my vagina.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
