can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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