I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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