if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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