i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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