I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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