This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
