Pappa wants mamma naked
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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