i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
