Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
