Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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