Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you would pick up someone in the library
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
